If Looks Can Kill, Then I Would Have Been Dead
by Kou-Neko
Summary: Kanda Yu is a prideful and honorable man, though, most certainly a sucker for anything that lies within the spectrum of "cute," which in this case is that stupid little beansprout. Modern AU. Full summary inside.


Summary:

Lying beneath that hard, sour exterior is a whole new layer that he so defiantly refuse to acknowledge. It's a weakness that puts his reputation to shame, were he to ever allow it to surface. Kanda Yu is a prideful and honorable man, though, most certainly a sucker for anything that lies within the spectrum of "cute," which in this case is that stupid little beansprout. Modern AU. Yullen to an extent. May include OCs. Originally "The Innocent Kills."

* * *

— _ **Updated as of 06.26.2019**_

* * *

After a long day of work, there was nothing Kanda desired more than to simply settle down for the night and allow his mind to wander off into sleep. Usually, it wouldn't take any longer than early noon for him to finish and head home — the longest being a little after dusk and no later than that. But considering this month's circumstances, the workload doubled in number and he'd often find himself walking out in empty halls during hours of twilight.

He had grown used to it by now. In fact, he found it rather meditative, almost soothing driving back in the black of night. Nothing but silence greeted his ears, excluding the occasional bypassing cars blinding him in the opposite lane. Not the mention the lack of traffic which made the ride home all the more enjoyable. And upon reaching home, he'd expect to brief through his usual nightly routines before finally getting some shut-eye.

But not tonight. Because some bastard decided that it was a grand idea to call him at four in the fucking morning.

"Do you want to die?" Venom thickly coated his tone, an underlying snarl rose up his throat upon answering the recipient on the other side. Murder is illegal. Not to mention your dad is a cop, he thought bitterly. But after a hot moment of consideration, Kanda rolled onto his back and almost grinned. Can't get in trouble if you hide the body. Oh, you poor unsuspecting bastard.

"Hey, Yu~! How ya' doin'?" The awfully familiar voice annoyingly chimed, blatantly ignoring the death threats. A grimace situated on the Asian man's face upon recognition, scowling as he seethes in anger. Of course, it's this fucking idiot... Only a twit like Lavi was brave enough to dial him at the worst time possible. More or less call him by his given name.

"Don't you fucking call me that," Kanda growled in discontentment. The cheery voice only replied with a laugh, seeming highly amused by the twenty-five years old Asian chap. "Now, if you're desperately wanting to hasten your funeral, I am more than willing to assist. Don't worry, I'll make sure it's painful."

"N-now, now, Yu. T-that's not v-very nice!" Arrived a response from his co-worker. The elder man smirked once detecting the slight tremble in his co-worker's voice. "At least hear me out first…!"

"I don't care what it is. It can fucking wait till morning." Kanda snapped, deciding that it wasn't worth his time to continue humoring the redhead any longer. He had a meeting first thing in the following hours and he'd rather it passes with little to no bloodshed.

"Kanda!" His finger hovers the red button on his screen, cobalt eyes narrowing with the slightest hint of suspicion. In the few moments of hearing Lavi call him by his surname, as strange as it was, meant the worst possible outcome if not taken through serious measures. But whatever the case, Kanda was not looking forward to hearing it.

Silence hung heavily in the air before it was shortly broken by Kanda's exasperated sigh. Soon enough, the elder man spoke gruffly, "Make it quick. I don't have the patience to deal with your bullshit right now."

He heard Lavi murmur his thanks, sounding oddly relieved which further piqued his curiosity to the severity of the situation. Before he allowed himself to voice his queries, the ginger then proceeded to explain. "As ya' already know, Gramps and I aren't gonna be around for a coupl'a months due to a meetin' concernin' the Order's thirteenth anniversary in France. However, we've stumbled upon a lil' problem…"

"Spit it out. I don't have all fucking day." Kanda barked, his temper quickly shooting heights at Lavi's sudden hesitance.

"Well… We brought in someone recently. A distant relative. I was hopin' that maybe you could watch the lil' guy for us while we're away?" The tone in Lavi's voice gradually became pleading. Desperate even.

However, what person in the right mind would request Kanda Yu to babysit a child? Surely, Lavi is even more idiotic than the Japanese man gave him credit for. Definitely insane, Kanda concluded. "And you expected me to say yes?" Kanda was, dare he say, baffled but he effortlessly hid it with his usual snarl. He has to be joking…

"Tis only for a coupl'a months. I promise I'll make it up to you. Please, Yu." Lavi implored. As tempting was to finally free himself from the burden that is the rabbit's self-proclaimed friendship, it impregnated a question…

"What about Lenalee? She's better at this than I am, so what gives?" Kanda raised a brow at his co-worker's uneasy laughter.

"She happily agreed to watch him for this week, but nothing more than that. Not to mention Komui bein' as overprotective over Lena as he is..." It was a valid reason. That blasted sister-complex does more harm when it comes to his precious little sister. Though he doubt a child can do much harm unless the bastard was crazy enough to raise hell.

And suddenly, it occurred to him. "And why, do tell me, should I give a fuck about some bratty relative of yours?"

There was a distant groan on the other side and Kanda couldn't help but roll his eyes. This conversation should have ended ages ago. Why it was being dragged on for so long, he didn't know. What he does know is that he's way too sleep deprived to deal with this bullshit and by the sound of it, Lavi was also losing patience with his bull-like stubbornness. Suck it up, bitch.

His head was drawn out of the clouds by an aggressive murmur in a foreign tongue. If he can vaguely recall from experience with European ambassadors, it was some kind of swearing in Russian — another quirk that Lavi rarely shows unless he was really tired or running on a short fuse. It left Kanda feeling extremely uneasy because it was justifiably out of character for the redhead.

"The kid recently went through some shit, so it's hard to tell when he'll fully recover. Leavin' him alone to wallow in his own darkness doesn't sit well with me either, so the most I'll request of ya' is to watch over him." Lavi reasoned, once against surprising the Japanese with another uncharacteristic swear. His tone weighed heavily for the kid, a kind of sympathy that Kanda can somewhat empathize with. It was all too familiar…

"It's not my story to tell, so I can't really give you any context. But I promise I'll make it up to ya' once I've returned."

As he brought his hands up to massage his temples, Kanda allowed himself a moment to collect his thought. Okay, maybe he should've put more thought into it, but….

"If I agree, will you finally leave me alone?"

This seems to have caught both of them in surprise because it took a moment until Lavi enthusiastically replied. "O-of course! No texts, calls, nor anythin'…!"

"Deal. Now piss off." The call ended as swiftly he stoically agreed, setting his phone down on the nightstand to finally get some more sleep. Thank fucking god that's over…Wasn't long until he finally achieved what he so desired as his eyes began to fall shut and soon bringing him to dreamless slumber.

* * *

How do you like it? Do give me some feedback on how I did! I would love to see what you guys think of this remake. If there are any suggestions or theories you guys have, please fire away! I'm willing to see what kind of conversations it sparks. Toodles~!


End file.
